Some people are just too nice.

So, I was talking to Jim at work. I asked him what he thought kindness was. His response was that it's when one person does something kind for another person. This set my mind to thinking.

What does it really mean to be kind or nice to other people? Jim related how his brother hired him to be an electrician decades ago. At the time he was very grateful that his brother gave him a job. He considered it to be very nice of his brother. Now, after having been unemployed and needing to find another occupation at 50 plus years old, he was wondering if what his brother had done, wasn't such a kindness after all. He found himself without the skills needed to interview for a job and without the knowledge needed to find one.

 As I have reflected back on my life I remember being criticized by the regional manager for being “too nice”. I disagreed with her at the time because I felt that my style of management was very effective and that even though I made decisions that she felt were not strong enough, I was very effective at building store teams that worked well together.

We should all strive to do nice things for other people. Being considerate and helpful, when it is needed, to each other is what brings peace and happiness to ours and each other’s lives.

However, it is possible to be too nice.

If you find that you constantly do nice things for others at the expense of yourself, have difficulty saying no and feel taken advantage of in the process, then you may be a people pleaser who is just too nice to others.

Many people pleasers become overly helpful to others in hopes to gain acceptance, love, appreciation, because they feel it's there duty or because they hope that if they are kind to someone then that person may return the favor.

Being a people pleaser can lead to a lot of discontent and resentment within a relationship.

You're being too nice if you find that you constantly take care of others while neglecting yourself and your own tasks. I don't mean this in a selfish way. But if you don't take care of yourself it depletes your energy and deteriorates your mood. You cannot possibly take care of others very well if you are not taking care of yourself. Put being a people pleaser on hold while you make being responsible for yourself a priority. There is truly nothing wrong with saying no because you have your own responsibilities to tend to.

Don't be afraid to say no to something you truly do not wish to do. If you can't be assertive enough at saying no when you are asked to do something that you don't want to do, then you are being a people pleaser who is being too nice. We all have our limitations, so be assertive and learn not to stretch yourself so thin. Find your limits when it comes to helping others and use your assertiveness to keep yourself within those boundaries.

By being so willing to jump in to help and bail others out, whether they ask for it or not, we keep them from learning, developing and growing within their own lives. If you rescue others from their own actions and the consequences of those actions, you're focusing on being way too nice and on being a people pleaser. The problem with rescuing others is that they'll either expect that you will always save them or they will resent you for holding them back from saving themselves. The greatest thing you can do for others is to let them practice assertiveness to overcome their own obstacles, develop their own problem solving skills and reach their own potentials. They'll be better off for it!

When you do decide to do something nice, do it because it's what you want to do with no expectations in return rather than because you feel you have to do it. This is a way to find a balance in your assertiveness to be nice without being too nice and crossing boundaries that end up negatively affecting you. If you practice being nice when you truly want to do so, you'll end up feeling better about the things you do choose to do for others.

Be assertive by not allowing others to talk you into making decisions you don't feel good about.

Some people are users that seek out people pleasers and are only in your life as long as you let your self be too nice so that they can keep getting you to do what only benefits them.

You don't need these type of people in your life and you'll find that you're actually better off without them.

Read more: How to Stop Being Too Nice | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4722291_stop-being-nice.html#ixzz1w0LLkbqf